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no place for two

by shallov

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1.
as if our mouths carried sun burnt tongues we make our skin thick as a concrete wall and cold as a thousand year silence everlasting, wouldn't we wish to break or are we already broken thousand words could never explain a paper wont ever cut as deep as a pen why am i supposed to feel this way again i know we're different but do i have to feel so much foreign how far is the spottless innocence gone it may be ages but i feel somehow that we were... once we were one all these city street, fallen leaves and prospectless sights all these memories, melodies and missing parts every swalloved word and every single misguided thought all these paper flicks, wasted ink and desperate shouts its a mosaic, a picture of an endless, immortal, invincible only mind
2.
pygmalion 06:57
what are hours and days and years compared to eternity what are steps and walks and miles compared to infinity what are words and smiles and laughs compared to freezing emptiness that lasts what are those memories worth when only a loan of thousand words remains and a fading past because there is only a third of you and not an i at all in us. in the coldest night, in the light of the moon the warmth of the candles, empty room, naked, only wraped by the silence, imagining your voice, isolation, violence, twisting smoke, dialogues, shaking legs, open wounds. where noone can see me, if you only could pull a few words from me i'd be fine its killing me to realizethat i was the one who really made you and it was my fault - begging you to listen it was my failure - begging you to speak it was my fault - begging you to stay it was my failure - begging you at all it was my fault - passion in time in every second in which you were mine it was my fault i tryied to change for the better, but i'm still being the same it was all my fault - passion in every word every day, every night, you were mine and it was my fault i tried to change for the better, for you, because there is no good and bad in the end should we sail so shallow or should we love should we sail so shallow or shall we love honestly, till the end
3.
we burned 03:57
breathe in deeply and sink to where we're together to the sorrow filthed waters where our screams all astray and our eyes are forced to be shut we force. we fear. we drown on our own what we soaked in is now what we're made of ashamed of ourselves much more than of death we fear to live we're afraid to feel, afraid to change afraid of sun warmth while all our dream is regret we're afraid of light because we're afraid of being judged afraid of a trammel in a cage we lock
4.
vice versa 03:32
and the onlyone, who could save you, is the one, who you have to be, saved from - it's noone else but you on your own have you ever felt like you gave everything and it's all being lost in just a single breath and there is nothing but silence left in your head. tonight you can free yourself, theres nothing left repent you're playing a game of russian roulette, the gun is loaded with five bullets your hand is trembling while you're putting your fingers on the triger you put your life in the fragile hands of the fortune, it's all or nothing tonight you're the victim of your thoughts, tonight you're the killer of your hopes
5.
letter left 03:55
and i wonder if you ever lost your breath while thinking about the stories we used to write together in the nights we wished to freeze into, hoping it'd stay forever because in my mind buried under the weight of life there is a chapter written in ink that ran out already do you remember minutes after midnight in the backyard of your flathouse hours spent sitting on the shore watching sunrise and it's gone we are gone a liquid voice leading me throught my darkest fear past fading out so fast yet future so clear i keep this picture you gave me never minding if it's real in a loving memory of what could have been love is four letters for every season one light obsession violence everlasting cold
6.
to fight for what what we stand for to stand for who we are we are weak we're absorbing regret and make it our overcast we are weak our home is a prison we're ramming nails in our own casket worthless hopeless at least we feel comfortable in this unique form of mess we made of ourselves we are broken we can't fill the loss we wonder how much can happiness cost we built our dreams in a naive childish thought and burned them all in so-called adulthood we rejected our crazy dreams then furious broken-hearted but in their wake all other schemes seemed lackluster all hopes half-hearted and one by one we returned to soar and burn again

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released April 14, 2014

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shallov Bratislava, Slovakia

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